Friday, May 25, 2007

Bunny no like healthy food.

This morning I saw a seriously flabby rabbit making his way through my backyard down to the patch where my vegetable plants sit. Instead of shooing him away, we instantly got the camera out and took some pictures.. I guess that's how starved for stray/wildlife sightings we've become..

Anyway, the rabbit stealthily moved across the patch where I keep my potted plants, inspected most of them and turned them down... what do you expect, he's American.. won't eat a mirchi plant..

He finally zoned into one spinach plant which I had planted into the ground.. A was about to shoo him away, but bunny-ji took a bite at one of the leaves, turned his nose up..(I think he made a face too) and ran away out into the yard, probably looking for some chips.

Maybe I should grow some lentils for him..and chase him around the yard a little more..proteins zindabad.

Friday, May 18, 2007

So much potential for a K serial..

I have some people over at my home these days. My in laws are visiting us for a few weeks. This is the first time I am staying with them for such a long period, and for the first time, I could compare their family ( well, my new family) and my own (pre-existing folks).

Even though A and I come from the same kinds of background and we are almost related, the differences between his family and mine are shocking. Not to say that one is better than the other, but both are well, different.

On paper, the only difference between his family and mine, is that his parents have two sons, while mine have two daughters. Now I know what you might be thinking, yes, the sons must be spoilt brats, and we girls must be the angels.. well, thats hardly the case.

My family is full of drama. We scream, shout, argue, even threaten to kill each other every few hours. I was the island of peace in my family, but I too, would flare up every once in a while. Mostly, I would resort to whining and crying. Mincing words is not our forte. We tell it like it is. And did we mention we fight? yeah. A lot.

A's family on the other hand...well, when I was at his place in India right after our wedding, that was probably the first time I saw such a family.. no one argued, no one fought, everyone was lovey dovey to each other. Someone raised his voice, but that was because the mixer was running and the others couldn't hear him. It was like I was in the families you would see in your community living books when you were a kid.

As wonderful as they are, they are surely making it hard for me to adjust. Good gosh..this is just too hard. I need to vent, I need to pick a fight...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Unaffordable block

I cannot afford a writer's block right now. And it is exactly what I am suffering from. There is a piece that has been hanging around for ages, and I am supposed to sit down and write about it, but I keep postponing it. I just cannot seem to get a good start. And if I don't get started I will never finish.

Perhaps,writing it might be a better idea than writing 'about' it. No?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The scared kitten can sing

All I do these days for entertainment is trawl youtube. This is probably too old to post, but I had seen the promo for this song when I had that silly MTV Desi (how much I miss it..). But finally today I came across the whole video on youtube.

I think Urmila has a voice. She can match steps with Asha Bhosle, and has a voice that actually matches her persona. And well, she' is doing something besides her patented scared kitten act.

So enjoy this piece, as I continue trawling youtube.

Friday, May 11, 2007


Perhaps the video below trumps the previous one in the gross videos of all times category..make out sessions in the Parle factory?! hmm.. I dont think I'll be buying those ever, thank you. Hrithik or no Hrithik.

I wonder if the confused ParleG tot's picture was taken when she walked in on the workers in the factory in Parle (E)... now it does make sense to me...

Incidentally, the real thing is seriously yummy...

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


Is it just me or this is video one of the most gross videos of all time?

Anyone who has owned a fish tank knows that it is extremely unhygienic to throw water from that bowl into someone's face ( that too, when the persons mouth is slightly open). I mean, where do you think the fish do their 'business'? Right in the tank itself! And its one thing when the fish are in lakes rivers etc, where water continuously flows somewhere, diluting the crapand breaking it down. In here, its just sitting there.. decaying.

Moreover, given the small size of that tank and the overcrowding by those helpless little fish, the tank is probably more shit-filled than any other tank on the planet.

Sheesh! And we are supposed to think this is romantic. How about putting your lovers face down in a toilet bowl for romance's sake?

Well, if you think I'm paranoid, I wonder what you'll have to say about the man who threw out one full gallon of freshly boiled water because he saw an ant floating in it...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The great Indian wedding planning circus

I had a gigantic event in my life more than a year ago, and I did not blog about it. What a waste of precious blog space. Well, for the advantage of some people who are getting married this year, I' like to share some 'thoughts' and unsolicited advice on wedding planning for an average, middle class family F1-H1B wedding. ( I cannot believe I called it that.. to be defined by visa statuses..pattetik).

Disclaimers: This is a completely materialistic piece. I am in no place to give you 'shaadi ek samjhauta hota hai advice.. more experienced people like your parents, I am sure, are drilling it into your heads already.

A was equally, if not more involved in the wedding preparations when it came to things like the decorations, the menu the invitation colours, and the words that go into the cards. While I am writing about it, he deserves more credit for doing some of these things, and therefore helping me keep a cool head, and enjoy the whole thing a little more..

So here goes..

One year before the wedding happened, the planning began, I told my parents that I wanted a small wedding, with just a few close relatives. Well.. that is possible if your parents are hermits. But if your mom's contacts are so far and wide that she 'randomly' meets someone she knows and with whom talks for an hour, not only in the local vegetable and fish market but also at Niagara Falls and on the train going from Philly to New York, the head count of your 'close relatives and friends' easily tops 400.

At first, a June wedding was planned, but then hacked down thanks to the fear of monsoons ruining the wedding and the guests outfit. The only time we could mark out of our busy schedules was December, and I wanted the wedding to be as late in December as possible. So the last 'auspicious' day in Dec was picked as our wedding date.

The Venue:

The venue, was one thing I was adamant about. I did not care about anything else in the wedding (well, except who would be the groom) . Not my clothes, not the food, not 'how long the ritual should be'. But I wanted to get married close to my house. Why? Well,because its convenient. The bride has to do more make up and things than anyone else at the wedding, so it is better that the venue is close to the bride's place.

Hiring people for the wedding arrangements:

Also, we could pick and choose whichever beautician that was close to the venue, and that way, I could get ready at her salon than at the wedding hall, where invariably something or the other is either forgotten or misplaced. Also, since the beautician was in the same locality as we lived in, we knew her and 'had seen her work' at other weddings. In fact, I decided up on my make-up lady by chance. My cousin looked fabulous in her wedding and I told my mom that I'd like to have the same lady do my make up. No surprises here, the lady turned out to be someone my mom knew personally, and readily agreed to do it ( at full price of course). Book your people well in advance. Since Dec is a rush hour for weddings of people who live abroad, these people get booked really fast. If you have a December wedding, I would say, get everyone in line by September.

A note on hiring 'friends and relatives' to do your make up, mehendi and other arrangements. NO. NEVER. Unless you know that they are completely professional, and will charge you the full amount for the work they do. Don't let the budding make up waali in the family take over your wedding and ruin it for you. You don't want to look like a pie has been thrown at your face right before the wedding ( Thanks to the fair is beautiful notion, 200 layers of talcum powder is sometimes the choice of some 'budding' artists). AVOID.

While on make-up. If possible, go to the department stores or your local CVS, and pick up the foundation that is the correct shade for you. Brands like L'oreal etc have a wide range of shades in their foundations and you are sure to find the one that is best for you. They are generally at the same price in India, and so buying them here and then taking them to your makeup lady is a good idea. Consult her and your mom and if you think that is a good match for you, use it. Often the makeup ladies have the perfect shade for you..(Mine did) but it never hurts to go prepared.

While I was in the US, I spent days looking at pretty outfits from Benzer and Seasons , and decided that I'd be buying at least one of my outfits from one of these two. Decide what you want to wear at your wedding. IMHO, a saree is better than a lehenga ( if lehenga isn't your traditional wedding outfit) because it lasts for ages longer and is a lot more easier to fold and keep away. It does not require specific alterations and can be handed down from generation to generation, and will still fit you even if you get fat. ( not that that should ever be the reason why you pick it.) However, I still wanted a lehenga type outfit for one of the wedding days, and that's why I used to surf the two websites endlessly.

Next came the wedding cards. If someone in your family is good at pataoing people, you can actually get sample wedding cards from the potential card makers you are going to engage for the wedding. My MIL, the queen of negotiations, had about 10 samples sent to us in the US. From these we picked the one we liked. However, the card inserts for those particular cards weren't of good quality. So we got the cards printed from another place, which could offer us a huge discount on them.

The unexpected 'event' you think is going to fall flat on its face..but doesn't:

Of course, I wanted a get together with all my family members, so we would not have to go out and meet each and every one before the wedding. My mom conveniently converted it into a 'sangeet' . Now a Maharashtrian sangeet is something I had never ever thought would be possible. My mom 'recruited' a budding Saroj Khan in the family, and then promptly fired her because she was getting pushy.(ref: note about hiring relatives..) She then hired a 'band' , which was essentially the kinds that plays 'bhaavgeete' and 80s Hindi music in an attempt to be hip. I was scared, but didn't tell my mom that.. she had way to many things on her mind already, and she was just following tips people were telling her..

The shopping for relatives' gifts, parents outfits etc was going to be done by the parents. My sister went to India 10 days before I did so that she could help out, while we were busy enjoying our lives in the US. (whatever that meant)

When we finally boarded our flight to go to India to get married.. it felt weird, since we already knew each other so well, that we had become each others' support when either would get jittery about the wedding.. ( well, mainly I was the one who'd tend to go jittery, but that is the way I am.)

In flight, and on the airport, I typed away at something, I was expected to submit before returning to the US, and all the wedding things completely escaped me. But it finally hit home when we landed in Mumbai, and were welcomed by the parents. The minute I landed, my mom pulled out all the shopping she had done...and went over I saw her it struck me. I was going to be married, and there was no time to be the coy bride. (thank god for that) Things needed to be done. Outfits needed to be bought, and accessorised. The biggest advantage I had was that I lived in the middle of the city that had become India's largest shopping mall.

And so the journey began..

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Panda P0rn

* Updated with a much cuter picture of a potential PP star
(By ChumkyMonkey)

If you are a CNN junkie like I am, you know by now the latest weird news getting a lot of about no coverage. Specifically with America's favorite Chinese Import after Yao Ming...Pandas. Exposed. Uncovered. Its...

Panda P0rn.

Yes you read right, Panda P0rn. Apparently male pandas do not give any bhaav to their doting female counterparts. The females too, are horny just 3 days in a year. So there is a very very short window of time for anything really to happen. I cannot believe how boring their lives must be 362 days of the year.Well, since we all want the adorable beings around, a LOT of effort is put into getting them to get it on. Kaya Kalp Sex clinics were considered as an option. Even the famed diamond shaped blue pills were used. But those, ( truth) actually kept them aroused TOO long.

Finally the fine doctors at the Zoo have 'nailed it' with Panda P0rn.

Apparently, screening videos of 'how-to-do-it' complete with sound actually got the Pandas to do their stuff and the Zoo has had one the most successful breeding programs in history. What's next...simple videos of other pandas getting it on will soon bore the discerning pandas and they will demand more risque fare with perhaps a storyline. Here are some plots / ideas that were discussed.

1) A campaign with girl pandas pandering to boy pandas basic fantasies with a montage of several furry ones dressed in Victoria's Secrets' latest line " Bare-y Beary Sexy" lingerie.

2) " Girls Gone Domesticated"...girl pandas on spring break flash their paws and what not under the influence of drugged dumplings.

3) Finally - featuring porn superstar Chunky Panda. A collection of movies with lots of sexual innuendo and 'sarkaaylo khatiya' type songs. Sample movie lines, (bowchickabowwow music in the background) Girl Panda : " I just want to chew on your bamboo...your loooong, haaaarddd bamboo..."

Hahhaha...I wish I could see your expression as you read that...

New Update: Our source in LA...Agent Sue reports: "There is this new 'escort service' for pandas looking for a quick ... err...quick Duck..."Panda Express"
* nudge-nudge-wink-wink* .