Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Panda P0rn

* Updated with a much cuter picture of a potential PP star
(By ChumkyMonkey)

If you are a CNN junkie like I am, you know by now the latest weird news getting a lot of coverage...is about no coverage. Specifically with America's favorite Chinese Import after Yao Ming...Pandas. Exposed. Uncovered. Its...

Panda P0rn.

Yes you read right, Panda P0rn. Apparently male pandas do not give any bhaav to their doting female counterparts. The females too, are horny just 3 days in a year. So there is a very very short window of time for anything really to happen. I cannot believe how boring their lives must be 362 days of the year.Well, since we all want the adorable beings around, a LOT of effort is put into getting them to get it on. Kaya Kalp Sex clinics were considered as an option. Even the famed diamond shaped blue pills were used. But those, ( truth) actually kept them aroused TOO long.

Finally the fine doctors at the Zoo have 'nailed it' with Panda P0rn.

Apparently, screening videos of 'how-to-do-it' complete with sound actually got the Pandas to do their stuff and the Zoo has had one the most successful breeding programs in history. What's next...simple videos of other pandas getting it on will soon bore the discerning pandas and they will demand more risque fare with perhaps a storyline. Here are some plots / ideas that were discussed.

1) A campaign with girl pandas pandering to boy pandas basic fantasies with a montage of several furry ones dressed in Victoria's Secrets' latest line " Bare-y Beary Sexy" lingerie.

2) " Girls Gone Domesticated"...girl pandas on spring break flash their paws and what not under the influence of drugged dumplings.

3) Finally - featuring porn superstar Chunky Panda. A collection of movies with lots of sexual innuendo and 'sarkaaylo khatiya' type songs. Sample movie lines, (bowchickabowwow music in the background) Girl Panda : " I just want to chew on your bamboo...your loooong, haaaarddd bamboo..."

Hahhaha...I wish I could see your expression as you read that...

New Update: Our source in LA...Agent Sue reports: "There is this new 'escort service' for pandas looking for a quick ... err...quick Duck..."Panda Express"
* nudge-nudge-wink-wink* .


Anonymous said...


Ash said...

Yeah, I read about this online. You sure have a wild wwimagination!

Patrix said...

Girl Panda : " I just want to chew on your bamboo...your loooong, haaaarddd bamboo..."

LOL! reminds me of a joke but unfortunately it is too adult to be posted online :)

Priya said...

hey, if the outcome is cute pandas like 'Tai Shan', i am all for Panda Porn.

shruti said...

weeelllllll.......its not really grosss...i think its cute n sassy!!
whoever railed against it sure is orthodox!!or a closet prude...!!!

Wanderer said...

ROFL... funny and entertaining!

Gaurav said...

They should make a p0rn film about a panda who is a cop and call it panda havaldar.

shr3yas said...

Errr...where did you get that very suggestive sketch?

Sqrl/TA said...

Isn't it awesome? I am sure Warren Cutler ( the artist) didn't dream that it'd be used for such a post ..:O

come to think of it ,, i bought it in a CHURCH sale.. how inappropriate..